Never did I think I would be writing a post like this but needs must. Having lost my son four years ago I came to realise that people around you don’t really know how to react and I guess in a way that’s understandable.
It’s understandable because this is a subject that no one really wants to talk about with the fear of saying something wrong but sometimes it is just ignorance or perhaps the person sat next to you thinks they are saying something to help but in actual fact it has the total opposite effect.
I’ve compiled together a few things that you should not do to or say to a Bereaved Parent or I guess anyone who is going through the loss of a loved one.
Everything happens for a reason.
To an extent I do believe in certain circumstances that everything happens for a reason but saying that to someone who has lost a child is like as if though you are justifying it when in actual fact there is nothing that can justify having to bury your baby.
Give it time
We’ve heard too many times that ‘time heals all wounds’ but unless you’re going through it yourself you know that’s not true. I’m four years into my journey without my son but my heart is still broken just like that day when I held him for the last time in my arms. Time does not heal wounds at all you just have to unfortunately learn to live with it.
At least you’re not going to spend a lifetime in the hospital.
What someone said to me when I told them about my son’s heart condition. Do I need to even elaborate on this?
You’ll have another one or you have other kids.
Such a common and typical thing to say, yes if the bereaved goes on to have another child or already has children, that child will be their own individual, that child cannot replace the one who died and you know what? It doesn’t make things any better because you go through a pregnancy of uncertainty and then when you see your children playing, you always think of what could have been, of how there should have been another little one jumping around with his or hers siblings.
DO NOT ignore that a someone lost a child be it at any stage of a pregnancy.
Losing my son, I was shown who my real and true friends are. There were people who were instantly by my side and if they physically couldn’t be they’d keep in touch to see how I was doing or if I needed anything. But then there were two who completely ignored the fact that my son existed or that he had died. To put things in context, you’re in a group chat and all your friends are sending you messages of condolences but then there’s two who are just having their own conversation amongst it all without even acknowledging what has happened to you?
Need I say more?
Is there anything you would like to add to the list of things you shouldn’t do or say? Please comment below as you will be helping so many.
Next week I will be posting the opposite and sharing on what you can do to help!
Well done on writing this one down, very difficult for anyone to get it right when there are no right words, but that doesn't make the wrong words better. Remember that people tend to mean well even if they get it wrong. #DreamTeam