How has it been four years without you? When it only feels like a mere few seconds ago I had held you in my arms, never wanting to let go.
People assume that as time goes by, we eventually get over our grief but that’s not true. I have found myself longing for you even more – I wonder how life would have been and especially how you would’ve taken care of your little sister, her big protective her.
But then again, I know you are still taking care of her and watching over her from above and that gives me satisfaction knowing that you are with us even though not physically.
*~*~*
It’s been four years without our son and this year I have found it exceptionally hard, perhaps more than previous years, grief is a funny thing, really. For many days you may go on with your life and then all of a suddenly it hits you right smack in the face.
Sometimes I find myself not knowing how to feel, I’m quite cautious of Aahil’s little sister and try to avoid any tears in front of her but then you’re keeping it all to yourself and you let it out all in one go whenever possible.
Perhaps it’s also that his birthday is right bang in the middle of Baby Loss Awareness Week when everyone is talking about child loss.
But that’s the thing, we’re all talking about it now. Perhaps a little more later but when October finishes – where do we go on from there? Wait until next year again? Why do we have to confine ourselves to certain dates, don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge supporter of Baby Loss Awareness Month but I do wish more could be done.
So today I make a promise to myself, to you and to my baby boy in the sky – I will do more.
I will make more effort to talk to others about their little angels, I will ask them their names, their stories because when my son left all I ever wanted was to people to ask me his name, to talk to me about him and four years on, I’m still longing for this.
Leave a Reply