Credit: Pixabay
For Part One – Click here.
This week marked 3 years since the very first time our hearts broke. 3 years ago on July 20th 2015 I had my 20 week scan which is also called the Anomaly scan.
It baffles me even today when I think about how naive I actually was then. An anomaly scan is a scan that is carried out to rule out anything wrong but for me it was just another exciting opportunity to get to see my baby wriggling away again.
Never in the slightest of moments did I ever think I would receive the news that I did. I remember the Sonographer asking me whether or not I wanted to know the gender and I nodded. It took her quite a while, I had to do star jumps, walk up and down the stairs because apparently baby was in an awkward position so she couldn’t see what it was.
The actual reason behind getting me to do the exercise wasn’t because she couldn’t work out the gender but because she could see something wrong with the heart and wanted baby to lay in a better position so she could get a better view.
Another Sonographer and a Doctor was called in and alarm bells began to ring in my ears.
‘There appears to be something wrong with the heart.’
I heard one of them say and I burst into tears, my Mum grabbed hold of my hands and told me it was going to be okay but it felt like tonne of bricks had just fallen on top of me.
The Sonographers tried their best to reassure me saying that it may just be the way Baby is positioned so they are unable to get a clear view. I was then taken into another room where a midwife frantically tried to arrange an appointment with Great Ormond hospital.
When I received the actual telephone call from Great Ormond asking me to come in the very next day, it really hit me then.
This was serious.
That night felt the longest night of my life as I waited for the sun to rise so we could find out what was really going on.
Laying there on the bed, the next day, at Great Ormond St as the Sonographer carried out the scan and took pictures of my little angel, the eerie silence started to become incredibly deafening.
Even though, I’d ask her to tell me what she sees, the only thing she’d say is that the Doctor will come to see me.
We were sent back out to the waiting room where we met a lovely pregnant lady who told us that her baby had a hole in his heart. She seemed like the loveliest woman ever and it hurt me so much to hear her news but I kept telling myself that I won’t be put in that position, kept reassuring myself that everything was just going to be absolutely fine.
The Doctor met us and began to explain the situation to us, there here presented to me a yellowish tinged pages of a small textbook with a picture of a heart with labels all around, he went onto explain how a normal heart functions and how my baby’s heart functioned.
‘It’s best if you terminate this pregnancy,’ He outright bluntly said.
‘NO!’ I screamed back in his face, whilst my little angel kicked and danced around inside of me.
‘I understand this is difficult but you need to go home and think about this,’ He pestered.
I had already made up my mind and I repeated to him that I was not going to let my baby go.
‘Seeing his condition, he might not even survive the birth..’
I was then told that I’d be rescanned in 10 weeks time, if we decided to carry on, we made the appointment and were taken to another private room to to think.
But I didn’t have any thinking to do, I didn’t want to hear anything, as I cried on my mother’s shoulders whilst holding my husband’s hands I just knew that there was only one thing I ever wanted and that was to never let go of the life growing inside of me.
Oh no what a horrendous time this must have been for you. Sending you the biggest of hugs. I will be keeping an eye out for the next installment of your journey. #BlogCrush
You poor thing – this is so raw and real. #BlogCrush
I'm so sorry you had to go through this news three years ago. You have an amazing strength for not giving up and wanting to continue with hope. Thank you for sharing this valuable story ♥ Sending you lots of love.
Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me
It must have been such an awful time for you Soffy, I cannot imagine what you must have been going through. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s so well written and touching. Sending you lots of love and hugs <3 xx
Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com
I cannot even imagine how horrendous this must have been for you. Thank you so much for sharing your story #blogcrush