I always wanted children, I wasn’t the one who thought about being a Mum from a young age but I just knew that one day I’d like to have children of my own.
When we got married, children weren’t on the cards as I was just beginning my masters but halfway through my studies when I found out I was pregnant, I just knew that I was ready to embrace this new chapter of my life.
Since finding out, I had began to daydream endlessly about Mother’s Day, how that ‘next year’ I’d be celebrated and it would be the most special day ever.
That year, that Mother’s Day came and went.
It wasn’t a celebration.
Although I wanted it to be, it was a very difficult day. Seeing others so happy with their families and then looking down at your sad empty aching arms.
The determination to have a child I could actually take care of grew stronger and stronger and I just really wanted to get rid of the feelings of jealousy that these special days whether mothers, Father’s Day or birthdays brought me.
The constant reminder that I am mother in just by name and not in the way that everyone around me was, the fact that I was the mother of a child who I could not see, who wasn’t physically here would break me every single day.
It wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair that everyone was happy in their lives and I wasn’t.
People complain that days like Mothers Day are commercialised and that Mother’s Day is everyday and not just a single Sunday in March. However, I completely disagree, do you buy your Mother a gift every single day? That’s 365 days and bit. Forgetting gifts, do you take time out of your busy life every single day for your Mum? Perhaps you live faraway from her now and can’t see her everyday but on days like this you’re able to make an effort.
That’s why it is important.
It’s important for Mums like me who have yearned to be celebrated on this day. And it’s important for us not to forget those Mothers with empty arms but hearts so full.
I’ve been there and I am still there, even though A has made it easy for me, I do think about how it would be like to celebrate with both of my children.
This was our first Mother’s Day without my mother in law, first Mother’s Day where I didn’t pick up the phone in the morning to wish her… and it made me realise that there will always be that emptiness that can’t be filled but that won’t stop us from marking this day and celebrating the fact that she was a part of our lives.
So next time when you think about talking ‘down’ this day, think about those who long for this day and for those who it means so much too.
You never know how someone is feeling and what they’re going through.
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